We've been fighting a "gorilla war" here for 4 weeks.
Three nights ago, our supposedly last gorilla crab decided to leave the cave where we've been pestering him and "free-range it". Like a T-rex, humans have an uncanny ability to detect motion... Anyway, I saw him on the opposite side of the tank from his usual haunt. Thought to myself, "Self, now you have him." Took the longest, thinnest Bondus screwdriver (for wire terminals), and stabbed at him. I missed him, knocked him off the rock and knocked the rock over. I swear he gave me "the claw" on the way to somewhere else. Little <expletive deleted>. Little crab, 1. Homo sapiens, zip.
He showed up again under this huge asptasia that I can't seem to kill. Think "Little Shop of Horrors" here. Round II. I bellowed at the wife, "Quick, hand me the awl." "What's that?" "The ICE PICK THINGY, and HURRY THE ---- UP!!!" So, she acts as the forward air controller and "go up a little... no, no, go to the left... no, the other left... now back... NO, ----ing BACK! Ok, you got him, GO STRAIGHT IN!" Yeah, right. I missed. Imagine a hundred drunken monkeys and a football... Crab, 2. Stupid Homo sapiens, zip and a -10 from the French judge.
Crab rolls into the hole where the asptasia retreated into. I swear I hear maniacal laughter from inside the tank. Bright idea. Round III. I run and grab a 2ml hypodermic with a 20 gauge needle on it and a mixture of thick kalkwasser and lemon juice in it. Sharp and a chemical warfare side to it. Following a flurry of directions from the ol' spousal unit, I jab the needle in the hole and empty the sryinge. Nastiness runs out of the hole, followed by the crab, who is covered with a thick paste of calcium hydroxide. Did this stop him? Nope. Crab, 3. Human loser, zero and a ton of humiliation. Remember Quake III, gamers? I heard it in my head, the Godlike voice in the game saying "Humiliation" coz' I died stupid.
Now, I'm just p------d off. It's 2AM and I'm tired, mad, frustrated, and did I mention p----d off? Crab runs up into the rock, and I see a hairy leg waving at me- taunting me, perhaps? Round IV. I grab a coathanger of my kid's, bend it into something resembling an illustration out of a Steven Hawking book on string theory, and drive the hook into the alleged hole where the crab is allegedly staying. Lots of dirt and dust comes out. No crab. Big turbo snail comes over and starts working on the mess I made. I swear I heard that snail mutter "stupid loser."
Give up and go to bed.
Yesterday, I'm in Gerbers picking up some DT's phytoplankton. I go home and feed my elephant ear, who seems ailing. While at it, I run some food over the zoas on a rock from Phishy Business, and my wfe hollers out "MY GOD. DID YOU SEE THAT? DO IT AGAIN!" I dutifully obey, and a huge white claw with black points waves out of the rock. Pull the rock. Freshwater dip, zoas and all. No crab. Look in the rock. See BIG crab. He's in a hollow in the rock and can't get out because he's too big. Must've got in there when he was small and grew up in the hole. Needless to say, he's now history. However, I knew this wasn't the wily beast from the other nights.
Tonight, after looking online for Reef Octopus parts, I turn out the light and walk away from the tank and computer area. A little voice says "Go look THERE". So, i turn around, grab a light with a blue filter, and check out a hole I had a feeling about. BINGO. Crab is in the hole, which has a second exit to the cave below. Don't bother the wife, just grab a dental explorer from my toolbox, go back to the tank, and proceed to get medieval on said crab in the moonlight LEDs. Hermits and cleaner shrimp appeared to clean up the mess in the hole. My wife thinks he might've tossed out pieces or spare parts from other crabs like chaff/flare to fool me. I don't think so. I think I finally got the little bugger.
Hopefully, last one for a while.
Kev
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